Okay, so as y'all know, this was my first week in grad school, and my first week of teaching first-year writing (English 101) at Boise State. It is now Friday, and I am completely, utterly exhausted. My students seem all right, for the most part, but I am I am, all at once, totally overwhelmed, excited, scared... and sad at the same time.
Most of you know that Joe (the hubby) leaves for his new job in Washington state on Sunday. I will be joining him after I complete my studies down here. Don't judge; it's complicated. Logically I know that it's for the best for both of us (he has a GREAT opportunity to start a real career at this job, and I really need to do the grad school thing for myself), but I am really having a hard time with everything. I don't know if the stress of everything is finally just... getting to me, but I feel like I am a hair's distance from total meltdown mode. And it's only the first week! Hopefully, for my sanity, I'll settle into some kind of routine soon, and stop feeling like a huge FRAUD in front of my students! Blah.
On a lighter note, I took Cedar and Moss out to Dianne's again today for a group lesson with Jody R and Circle. That team is doing AWESOME! Circle is starting to learn her inside flanks, and they have both made a ton of progress. I'm so proud of both of them!
Cedar did... pretty good. Dianne keeps telling me that we're in the midst of a learning curve, but on the up side, so I guess that's a good thing. I have had a difficult time lately keeping my cool with her, and I feel bad about it... but it's just so damned FRUSTRATING that we are still working on the same shit we were 6 months ago (albeit with a lot more finesse, and knowledge on my part). I get so pissed off that she still doesn't respect me, even though she does a good job of faking me out most of the time.
I suppose I need to get over my bad attitude. We got some good stuff done today. One thing that is different about her now than 6 months ago is that she will take my direction. If she starts to slice at the top of her outrun, I am usually able to stop her or kick her out in some other way. Her lie down is excellent. I don't ever have to have her on leash. But she still doesn't completely believe me, I think, when I really get after her for misbehaving. I just don't know how much more I can do! Or want to do, for that matter. I don't have enough experience to tell all the time whether she is being bad, or she really doesn't know what I'm asking of her. That's a huge part of our problem. It doesn't help that I'm at the point in my herding education where I know enough to be pissed off at what she's doing... but don't really know how to fix it!
I guess all we can do is try our best, and do what Dianne tells us! :D
I'm sure I'll look back on this entry a few years down the line and laugh, but today I don't feel much like laughing. Blame it on lack of sleep. I feel like I could sleep for a couple days.
Dianne worked Moss today, too. As usual, he did great. He is so fun to watch; he really does think about what he's doing, and learns from his mistakes. He is incredibly natural. I don't know how much more I can say about him other than the boy simply rocks! He has such a great outlook on life, too. I really should take lessons from him! :)
Back to the short bus...
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